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What A World If horizons were verticalAnd people walked on all fours, What a strange world it would be. If businessmen grew peas And bees talked to me, What a strange world it would be. If lunches were dinners and dinners were lunches, What a strange world it would be If pencils were paper and papers were pencils, What a strange world it would be If I were a flea And a flea were me, What a very strange world it would be. 06.90 |
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You're Always There For Me When I’m down and blueI look up to you. When I'm full of disgrace I imagine your face. When I'm cold and alone I need someone to phone And you're always there for me. When I'm shallow and greyYou're there to save the day When I'm in trouble You're there on the double If I break my favorite mug I'll need someone to hug And you're always there for me. 06.90 |
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The Terminator Hold meThen scold me Do what you have to do Caress me Then compress me Do what you were taught to do I tell you I loved you But that doesn't do Nothing can stop you from doing what you do "Who are you?" I ask "What is your task?" And he replied, "Terminate is what I do." Then he put me in bed And stabbed me in the head And that's what he was taught to do So I think on my way To Heaven Highway That he has done what he had to do. 06.11.90 |
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What Can I Believe What can I believe?Are the human intenstines One mile long? The rules of Algebra Am I doing something wrong? Is there such a heaven above? Is there really a meaning for love? What can I believe? Do I love you?? 00.91 |
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Why Am I a Fool Why am I a fool?I had to hide my feelings Swimming in a pool of blood Never knowing the meanings Of punishment or suicide Why am I a fool? 00.91 |
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Never Got the Chance Never got the chance to sayI'm sorry Never got to say Don't go I couldn't really say it Or just didn't want you to know Now that you're gone I know it's too late I'm deeply hurt It's not you I hate Never got the chance to say Cheer up Never got to say I'm glad Now that you're gone I can't help saying I love you! 03.11.91 dedicated to my grandma |
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Questions and Answers The sun goes from east to westMom tells you what to do She knows what's best Nobody tells us why The grass is green And the sky is blue They just say "Go find something else to do." Questions stuck in my mind The answers are nowhere I can find I think about realistic things While girls on my block Fly with pretend wings The sun goes from east to west -Didn't I go through this before? Oh yeah, about Mom knows best Nobody tells me anything I just keep looking for Questions and answers 04.10.91 |
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The Loner Nobody cares for me anymoreLike I'm a vegetable Or an old apple core People pass by and ignore me Like I'm an old shoe Swimming in the sea All my friends, they just don't listen Oh well, it's important news They're missing Sometimes I need someone to talk to I keep looking But I don't know who So here I am Sitting very cold and alone All my friends Are too busy to phone 04.10.91 |
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Mystery Nobody likes it when we're madNobody likes it when we're sad All we need is a shoulder to cry on Someone just to look up upon Nobody cares what happens to me I do things no one else can see Nobody likes it when we're mad Nobody likes it when we're sad But I don't like anything, you see I'm justa mystery 05.06.91 |
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Darkness Darkness isn't my specialtyBut I do not reply That I don't turn into Frighten Just Terrified When I sit with one in darkness I'm not really scared But by myself It doesn't compare! 05.09.91 |
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Nowhere To Run Nowhere to runNowhere to hide Running from my own Self pity's pride You made me feel down You made me feel blue This always happened When we were together too I don't know what happened to you Or maybe it was just me All I could hear Was that you wanted to be free 09.24.91 |
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T:A.P. Don't you knowThat I'm always here for you? But your head is so thick I cannot get through You're always criticizing people What they do and say You always have to have things Done your way Can't you understand That life isn't fair? I know very well We make a great pair If you can't see that It's fine with me I'll just forget you And you'll let me be I can't understand Why you're so cruel All I know is: I'm in love with a fool. 10.20.91 |
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The Search Always looking for answersTo questions that follow You can still break a heart With a heart that's hollow Many are dreaming Some just asleep Many are crying Some just weep Living our lives There's more to come Just look around To see who it's from All our lives are fatal It's all too extreme Try to pinch yourself This isn't a dream 10.23.91 |
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The Nightmare Suddenly there came a tappingIt was quite a scare At the window stood Death Who had long, black hair I tried to say, "Who are you?" But nothing would come out I would've ran, if my feet could move And I would've screamed and shout I suddenly had this terror A terror like never before When I woke up by a tapping A tapping at the door When I went to go get it To see who was at the door There and then, I saw it again The nightmare I had before 10.30.91 |
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I Poured My Heart Out I poured my heart outOnto your little bowl How much did I love you? I would've sold my soul Please believe me What I say is true "Everything I do, I do it for you" Let me say this loud Let me say it clear I'll stay by your side forever You have nothing to fear 12.11.91 |
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Happiest of Holidays Red Christmas stockingsHanging by an open flame A little girl under the tree Looking for a present with her name She searches endlessly But none came about "Mommy! Santa forgot my gift!" And she began to pout 12.12.91 |
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The Beauty Within the Beast It's not the beauty that countsIt's the quality within You've captured my heart Is that a sin? I may be a beast outside But inside I'm not You loved me for what's inside Or have you forgot? Oh, I see the light now This was just a game Your love was unreal For you felt pity and shame My heart is broken Into pieces 100 x 3 I depended on you To set Beauty free You didn't realize it And love turns to hate You've captured my soul And my soul you ate 01.20.92 |
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The Avalanche Lily The lily, so gracefulSo young at heart Presumed the innocence From the start The beauty it creates Takes talent and skill The Avalanche Lily, a bulb Like no other flower will To grow from bud to bloom And join the other lilies Very soon 02.20.92 |
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Someone Someone to care, someone to treasureSomeone who will love me always Someone to snuggle up by the fire Someone to be stuck with on rainy days Thinking about someone Who would it be? Someone who will be there continuously Someone that will cherish Forever taking care Someone who stands by and Protects me from nightmares. 02.26.92 |
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Withstand the Power Money is everything?I think not You should be happy With what you've got Every wants Life extension Can't get along without Comprehension People who think They can take the pain Needs to stand longer In the pouring rain It may be a little wet It may be a little cold You thought you could handle it Stand and stay bold 03.22.92 |
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Masters and Slaves Kiss my feet, lick the dirtFrom off your pack I'll take your shirt Master's orders, masters say, "Slaves get a whippin' If not obeyed." Live the pain until you die Never look your master In the eye 05.08.92 |
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Flowers Bloom Spring in the airFlowers in your hair Smelling every scent Worth all the pennies Ever spent Just to be with you Hands touching Both eyes glued Sweet words whispered in our ears Everything we longed to hear Staring and shaking We leaned for a kiss Tumbled and crashed Our lips, we missed! Then I woke up. 05.19.92 |
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Curious Weapon A pencilLong but thin And thick enough to grasp onto I picked one up Reluctantly Staring at the sharpened lead Suddenly, I got dizzy Awakened Surrounded by pools of blood -What have I done? "Foolish one" my left shoulder replies "Continue what you started" Yells my right shoulder Still holding onto the pencil I broke the sharpened lead Holding it up to my eyes "Damn you to hell" Popped in and swallowed whole ...I slept 06.22.92 |
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NyctoPhobia "Stare into my eyes"But for me to stare at you I must first cover my mouth "Caress me" But for me to caress you I must first look the opposite way "Don't you love me?" Why must I be tortured? What sin have I committed? "Come, hold my hand" I can't! I shouldn't! I won't! (scream) 06.22.92 |
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Destruction To All Friendship crumbles to dustLove turns to hate You take instead of give Because it's better to receive We shall meet halfway and shake hands But instead we collide and fall If this is what the world wants It can have it. 06.25.92 |
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Love There's so much loveFrom a single individual That everyone in the world Can have equal shares of great quantity But if a single person Bottles up their love inside Everyone will be missing some love That should've been given And if a single person Does not care to receive that love given Then that share of love is wasted This is focused on: Not the black, not the white Not the rich, not the poor Because from the eyes of every young and old They should see everyone as equal The way it was supposed to be 07.10.92 |
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When I Left Focused attention-I really don't have it from you Honesty and trust- I thought it was in you Communication- It's not how it used to be All I have left is pride- And you can't take it from me When I thought you were listening- Your only response was a nod And since the day I left you- You've been the only pea in the pod. 07.10.92 |
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T:F.P. When we were togetherAll we did was fight Maybe we couldn't handle it Or just couldn't see the light I miss you being here Never seeing you again Is what I really fear Now I think about Memories from yesterday I wish you were here Beside me today 07.20.92 |
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To Charlie My heart's been brokenA hundred times before Depression, confusion I can't take it anymore I don't know why this happened But I do know when and where I think of you constantly When the radio plays "I'll Be There" "Everything I Do I Do It For You" Just to show I love you too Please don't blame yourself You weren't at fault This doesn't mean our love should slow Or dare to come to a halt I've always been loyal to you The thought of cheating? Hardly. Ever since June 25 I knew I love you, Charlie! 07.24.92 |
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Do You Want Me (To the Devil)Take my heart, take my soul Take the sockets Where my eyes roll Take my grin, take my smile Take my intestines That stretch a mile Take my feet and take my hands Take them far away Like Never-Never-Land Take my screams, take my shouts Take my frowns Take my pouts Take my burps and regurdutations Take my hellos My salutations Take my teeth and take my hair Take me like you wanted to Leave nothing to spare 08.13.92 |
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End Of the World Bones crackingWindows shatter Why is the world coming to an end? Now it doesn't matter If I could have one more day I could have her In my arms so close, so tight Now it doesn't matter My mother looks at me And says I've gotten fatter I told her I was trying to lose weight Now it doesn't matter My aunt couldn't bear children Though she longes to hear them run: Pitter patter "But the world's coming to an end!" she cried "And now it doesn't matter!" 08.28.92 |
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The End Last call, last chanceNo more romance Last kiss, last touch We couldn't handle so much Last words: I love you Forever wanting to be true Last poem, last rhyme Until yo kiss me one more time 09.25.92 |
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Caress I like the way you caress meWith every kindness you have I like the way you kiss me good-night Thinking there will be no tomorrow But I like the way you can take the hint wen I need my space When I need for you to back off For I will always love you for the things you do But just don't over-do everything and trying to make me love you more Because I won't 12.06.92 |
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Departure "Do you have to go?""Yeah" "But I'll miss you" "I know" And then he left and she cried real hard But she never looked back at that day... "Bradley?" "Yeah" "This is Lora" "Who?" "Nevermind" (click) She got embarrassed and she cried real hard But she swore she'd never call him again But promises never work And the scars he caused never ever healed off her So she cried real hard and kept crying and crying and crying... 12.08.92 |
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The Teacher "Yellow and blue makes purple!" she said.So young, so innocent She still doesn't know. Shaking her vigorously She's starting to piss me off I didn't mean to make her bleed But she knew the truth She knew the answer fuck I give up Maybe she'll learn tomorrow We shall see... 12.08.92 |
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Promises Promises we never intend to keep are calledLies Things we never get a chance to get to are considered Unfinished And the sympathy we give to each other when we're down isn't called Healing It's called Kissing ass And I hate it when you kiss ass to me. You've told me lies You've left things unfinished And what I need now is healing Not just kissing ass. 12.30.92 |
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Dog's Lament On a leash one dayNeeding to yield I spotted a tree By the end of the field I tried to run to it But my neck got yanked Tied to a leash So my head just sank I glanced to my left A black cat sprang Twisting and turning Teasing as he sang "Unfortunate dog No freedom to wander Not even to the tree That's just a bit yonder Your owners are ignorant No gratitude shown To fetch and to sit Your prize is a bone Once a month showers? They don't even need you Leaving for trips Forgetting to feed you" Then I began to sulk Feeling regretful and raged I jumped and bit my owner Next thing I know--caged! What a catastrophe As we walked home Every dog must have his day But mine was spent alone 00.93 |
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Lament For the Demon Sit back, relaxAnd enjoy the ride You're exalting fast So hold onto your pride Going uphill Never stop Working hard To get to the top On top of the world What a great view! I'm number one I'm better than you Pressure on my feet I'm trying to stay up Falling hysterically But I can't give up Going downhill Like into a bottomless pit I feel so crummy I feel like sh-- --Shwoom to the left! The turn was unexpected Another dip to follow Just as I suspected Rising and falling With the hot dog recently ate Twisting and turning About to regurgitate We repeat this cycle As life goes on Our self esteem and pride Will never be gone 00.93 |
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The Weather The sun shines heavilyOn this side of town But here, in my heart Rain is pouring down My love, yesterday Wrote me a letter "Today we must separate For both it'd be better" The weatherman says "Sunny, throughout the day" But he doesn't know That my love's gone away 06.04.93 |
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T:G.T. Mommy hits me because she loves meI wish she wouldn't love me so much Daddy cares a lot Because there's not a place on my body he hasn't touched Uncle John wants to take me to his work I wonder where it is? He says it's on 3rd and Market Next to Pete's Ribs "But Uncle John, it's an empty warehouse" "I know, it's a secret" he says "We don't want kids wandering here Leading them astray" Mommy hits me because she's jealous I wish she wouldn't hit me so much Daddy and Uncle John care a lot There's not a spot on me left untouched 07.28.93 |
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The Movie I can hear, I can speakBut I just can't see Why you chose that bitch Instead of me We spent time together We had so much fun I thought for sure That I was the one I thought you wanted me To see "Wayne's World" with you I guess for me It was too good to be true So go with that bitch To see Mike Meyers (He can't get too far Because I slashed his tires!) 08.05.93 |
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Story Time For the Twins There was this guyBut I didn't know his name One time of romance Then he left me alone in shame There was another But I don't know his name either He was handsome, smart And full of desire Then there was Brad Who said he'd love me forever But when I called him He said he can't remember There was Derek Who was a total geek He'd follow me around Calling constantly for a week The point of the story? Guys are nothing but trouble Try to live without And your problems just double Hey, Mr. Perfect Where the fuck are you? You're out there somewhere But I just can't get through 08.08.93 |
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You Think It's A Dream I'm chasing after my DreamHe seemed so real But as I looked closer He was just a Blob A Blob Subliminal messages? He told me to run To my Nightmare She was horrifying Dark and scary Safety was a contradictive word In her world of words That blabbered on Like a Blob of contradictiveness I ran from my Nightmare Tripped and broke my leg She came to heal it He just laughed Tss, what great parents. 08.24.93 |
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Your Mother's Quotes "In one ear, out the other""Why can't you be more like your brother?" "Don't talk back to me, I'm your mother" "Didn't you hear me-- do I stutter?" "Don't tempt me, I just might" "You're wasting electricity, turn off the lights" "I don't care what she said. No more fights!" "My cooking isn't poison, just take a bite" "In the living room, I found your other shoe" "Why is one sock brown and one sock blue?" "This hurts me more than it hurts you" "If your friends jumped off the Golden Gate Bridge... ...Would you??" 08.24.93 |
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The Girl Scout The empty, blank face stares at meHer ignorant words mumble incoherently One touch and her blouse came undone While I'm drunk off my ass from 151 Thrown on the bed filled with moans and roars This kinda thing never happened before I walk home with my head down in shame It's a good thing they never knew my name Now my points of view distorted Attractions for men, completely aborted How can I think this way, if I may? Is it possible after one night of seduction I may have turned gay? 11.30.93 |
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T:M.P. I want you to tell meThat things will be okay That you'll make it up to me somehow I want you to tell me That nothing will ever change That we'll still be friends somehow I want you to tell me That we'll still bond That we'll do it again some day I want you to tell me That you'll find the thread Which mends my heart, someday 12.08.93 |
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T:N.P. I truly love you.But you don't understand This big misunderstanding, Which everything was a mistake that night. Because it was you. I wanted you. Everything went wrong Because we were all drunk, Except you. You didn't touch it. Because it was you. I wanted you. You really can't see my love through me Blind as a bat, you are. That I follow you everywhere And know where you are at all times. Because it was you. I wanted you. Now everything's disappeared Because it's the right thing to do Plummeting to my death All for my love, all for you. Because it was you. Oh, you don't know how much I wanted you. 12.29.93 |
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The Hero In Me Red and blue (woo woo!)A cat in a tree who knows not what to do A leap over a building in a single bound Wherever there's danger, he's sure to be found He has no weaknesses-maybe just one It glows and it's green; on this planet there's none Faster than a speeding bullet, made of steel Oh, I wish my super hero was real I hear the cheers of his fans Yet I'm dying from my own Superman 01.20.94 |
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My Superman Driving on a roadThen a sudden earthquake He saves me from danger Watching every breath I take He can leap taller than a building In one single bound When trapped in a dilemma I'm sure to be found He lifts me up We cruise the sky A candle light dinner I start to cry Disguised as Clark Kent Acting clumsy as a klutz Always pushing up his glasses And never saying much Working at the Daily Planet Writing news as it goes Where he always disappears to No one really knows Trying to keep his identity With a difficult strain Finishing up my story Signing: Lois Lane 11.21.94 |
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Ode II Freud Obstacles in my headTo overcome my fear of red Let's dig deep in my mind To see what we can find Remember when I was little My body frail and brittle Daddy comes home drunk one night Hitting his son with all his might I lay on the floor, crying for aid Thinking he might hit me for being unobeyed From my trance, I awoke Death to my father was provoked But Freud said violence isn't the case He said what I needed is to freebase So he gave me cocaine, I snorted it up I got really high and really fucked up. 12.02.94 |
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The Mirror They laugh at meBecause I dress a funny way They laugh at me Because I read every day They push me around And call me a geek Trying to prove That I'm clumsy and weak Writing dog on my forehead Doesn't say much About their maturity levels And such Their laughter and mockeries Never affect me Slowly yet painfully I build my self-esteem I left my chin up Smile, with a slight nod Because the letters in the mirror They've written me a god. 12.07.94 |
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Mail Never Gets Lost Through the Internet You've promised to write me she saidWith an angered expression Not one word was heard from you Miles away from home Yet this is my home Trapped in a lonely place Nothing ever heard of, nothing seen Marmalade ginger and caramel spleens Mail never gets lost through the internet, so what happened to mine? How can I explain she's constant on my mind? How can I explain it's her 99% of the time How do I prove the daily letters written Of my thoughts, of my feelings Of the olive juice ways in San Francisco Where we first fell in love Mail never gets lost through the internet, so what happened to mine? Our love once shared Like a rocket taking off into cyberspace I feel 71 light years away from your heart Staring at my monochrome screen Sold my SVGA monitor for the ring on your finger Reading words once of love, now words of hate Mail never gets lost through the internet, so what happened to mine? 03.30.95 |
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How Can I Deny You Your sweet voiceThe warm touch A soft kiss It's just too much How can I deny you? The long talks On a rainy night Your great ability To make things feel right How can I deny you? A dozen roses For no reason at all A new masterpiece Mounted on the wall How can I deny you? The soothing comfort That you'll always be there I can see you as a father Full of love and care How can I deny you? 11.19.98 |
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You Saw Within Me You saw within meThe need to settle down And you ran You saw within me My low self esteem And insulted me You saw within me My open mind and attitude So you got away with everything You saw within me My weak heart That's masked by courage You saw within me The vulneralbility And had me wrapped around your finger You saw within me The love I had for you But you never loved me back. 11.19.98 |
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You're the Happiest When You're Dumb When you know nothingSee nothing FEEL nothing When the boiling water doesn't burn you And your eyes are blind of poverty You're the happiest when you're dumb When you build thick walls around you Suddenly, you're on top of the world When the ice wind chills you, down to The very root of your soul You're the happiest when you're dumb Turn a deaf ear towards me You hear nothing You love for love? Or do you love to love? You're the happiest when you're dumb 04.16.00 |
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Not For Me Magazines covered in glitter to a size five.Sex appeal stops traffic in mid-day with a wink. Jump the train, no matter its destination. I am cross-legged braids, surrounded by candles. Too much of a hippy. They're not for me; they're not for me. Convenient stores call three's a crowd. Eyes for mirrors, not for souls. I am a water well to-do good, sometimes too good. Spread too thin. They're not for me; they're not for me. Every color of the rainbow turned digital. Journeys last through endless dances. I read the words that make my heart melt. A hapless romantic. But they're not for me; they're not for me. 03.02.02 |
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Scars Bruises go away, scars do notYou've bruised my thighs but scarred my heart. The bacon is coming home, you say I don't even like bacon. Don't guide me to your shallow grave There's only room for one. Endless. Why must things drag on forever? Tell me here and now what you want to pursue. Expectations don't grant wishes But settling grants false ones. Things are grid-like from a bird's eye view. Linear when I'm down on the floor. Concave when you're digging through my heart, Math never did me any good. Bruises go away, scars do not You've bruised my thighs but scarred my heart. 03.02.02 |
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Mine is Short Lived I've sung all my songs for you, but you wanted moreI've polished the rocks that only you adore I endure to be secretive yet I've nothing to hide The child inside has been waiting to cry Sometimes I feel that I feel too much I read your push as a soft, gentle touch You know what it means to take, But what does it take for you to give? You only live once, and Mine is short lived. 08.12.02 |
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Journal Today I looked back upon my younger selfWith a feeling of utter regret. The pages flow without hindered words Of names I'll never forget. I've failed to see what's important to me Sometimes love, sometimes life. I took it all in with one big breath Without knowing I'd pay the price. It'll never happen to me, it always happens to me, Why can't I get it right? The "what ifs" that have come and gone Remain fantasies in the night. Hanging on to a string of hope, That'll eventually hang me in the end. I don't know when my love stopped And when my pain began. What are the lessons I've lived to learn, That has yet to set me free; It's complex as I think today, Will there be a better me? 10.12.02 |
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Suns May Rise Daybreak-- light beginsTo start my life anew. I dig myself a deeper hole; I can't see the light from this view. Robbed of my intangible possessions, I'm weakened from my sins. I cross my arms as I hold myself, Crucified from within. The silence lay dead in my hands, Blood pulsates through my fingertips. For a moment, my world is at an end, As I shake the quivering from my lips. I smiled once because I was happy, I laugh now because my suffering won't quit. The leaves have fallen, the hour has passed; I'm glad it's over, I must admit. 10.15.02 |